


My Last Breath

by Insane_Fanfic_Malfoy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Backstory, F/M, Harry Potter - Freeform, Hogwarts, Lucius x Bellatrix, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 15:44:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6526246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insane_Fanfic_Malfoy/pseuds/Insane_Fanfic_Malfoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellatrix Lestrange's insanity was never her fault. It was Narcissa and Druella. She never recovered fully after her father's death. When she escapes Azkaban, what does she want with Lucius Malfoy? Why is she so angry with her nephew, and what does she want with Andromeda? She doesn't care what she has to do - Cygnus will never have died in vain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Suicide

_Clink_. The clock's hand moves to the twelve, and the chimes of the bell echo out into the school grounds. It's been long enough, I think, as I grasp the rusted iron railing on the edge of the tower. If he truly cared, he would've been up here already, begging me not to end my own life.  
But he isn't.

It's not the pain of dying that's going to kill me, but the pain of knowing that he never loved me. I thought we could finally get somewhere, but no, apparently he cared more about himself than me. And the worst thing is that he's in an arranged marriage with my younger sister, Narcissa.

Narcissa is everything that I'm not - beautiful, graceful, polite and gentle. Sometimes I wish that she was never born. After she came along, she stole everything I had. I went from being the eldest daughter, the most respected and beautiful, to being second best in the blink of an eye. She's a thief, a thief who influenced my alcoholic mother with her looks and manners. But why should I care? This is the end for me.  
I steady myself, and take off my school bag. It's empty, apart from my wand and potions knife. I will only need my knife.  
With reluctance, I grip the knife, and furiously gash at my left arm. It hurts, it hurts like hell, but it makes everything feel so much better. It's satisfying, the way the warm, sticky blood trickles down my arm, splattering on the floor.

_"Mother, I don't want to marry Rodolphus! I love Lucius, you know I love him! You know I-"_

_Druella slapped her eldest daughter in the face, making her reel backward and hit the corridor wall. "Don't you DARE speak to me that way, you impertinent little slut! Who do you think you are, the goddamn Queen of England or something?" She barked. Bellatrix could smell the alcohol on her mother's breath, and winced, earning herself another harsh, stinging slap. She cried out in pain, dropping to her knees on the floor. Druella grabbed a handful of Bellatrix's hair, and tugged on it "Well, darling, let's see who you think you are now. Apologize, or you're going without food for the whole damn month!"_

_She yanked her daughter's hair so that her head banged against the wall painfully. Someone laughed mockingly, and Druella turned to see that it was Narcissa. "Yes, girl, laugh at her! Laugh at your whore of a sister! She wants your future husband, and you show her where she belongs!"_  
_"She belongs in the streets, like a whore!" Narcissa jeered, her icy eyes flashing dangerously. Druella smiled, and turned her attention back to Bellatrix. "Apologize, Bella! Apologize for being a disgusting little slut!"_

 _Andromeda had been heading back to her room when she heard screaming and what sounded like something banging against the wall. The sounds were coming from the corridor near her father's study. It was only when she got there that she saw the horrible scene, the helplessness that Bellatrix felt._  
_Now Druella was forcefully slamming her daughter's head into the wall, screaming. "Say you're sorry! Say it!" but Bellatrix would refuse, instead preferring to take the pain. It went on for a few minutes before Narcissa was order to fetch a knife from Druella's room, and she handed it to her mother with a sick, sadistic simpering look.  
Bellatrix howled ferally as the knife dug into her wrists, her mother laughing manically. The blood dripped onto the carpet, staining it a crimson red. "SAY IT!" Druella and Narcissa barked, both looking pleased with how weak they had made her._

_"NO!" That was the last defiant gesture that Bellatrix attempted. Her mother's face contorted with rage, and she pressed on the knife's handle with even more force._

_"I said, SAY IT!"_

_"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'M SORRY!" Andromeda hated the sounds of the screams. But what could she do, apart from hoping that her father would come home soon? She was getting more and more desperate, and finally, she snapped. Emerging from the shadows, she lunged at her mother and tackled her to the floor, flinging the knife out of Druella's grip. Druella snarled in outrage, and shoved Andromeda off. "Stay out of this, Andromeda!" Narcissa warned threateningly. Andromeda snorted, and rounded on her mother. "What did she ever do to you, you bitch?"_

_Bellatrix could feel her head spinning, and she gritted her teeth. I have to stay conscious, she pleaded with herself. I have to stay conscious. It was no use, as she could see the room slowly fading into black._

_The front door slammed open, and Andromeda could hear footsteps thundering up the stairs. Please let it be father, please let it be someone who can stop this-_

_"DRUELLA!"_

_She turned in relief to see her father, looking absolutely terrified and shocked standing in the hallway. "Father, help-" she croaked,trying to keep Druella from strangling her._  
_Cygnus ran at Druella, and dive-tackled her so that she was flung across the hallway, and away from Bellatrix. His face was covered in sweat as he kneeled down beside his eldest daughter worriedly. "Bella, what did she do? What did she do to you?" he whispered, as she sobbed._

_"She - mother attacked her for saying that she loved Lucius," Andromeda panted, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. "She stabbed Bella, she's drunk, father!"_  
_Narcissa's sharp voice rang through the air. "She deserved it, she's a little slut. She's a little whore!"_  
_Cygnus looked shocked, but he couldn't harm Narcissa... or could he? He decided against it, instead giving her a stern look. "Go to your room, Narcissa. And no backchat from you." Narcissa smirked at her father before leaving the scene. After Narcissa had left, he made sure that Druella was unconscious, knowing very well that she would make a scene before he could talk to his older daughters._

_Taking Bellatrix into his arms, he hugged her before carrying her into her room and helping her bandage up the cuts. All she could do was cry, and babble inconherently. Cygnus looked at her with his crystal grey eyes apologetically. "Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry. Darling, I'm so sorry." his voice was choked with tears as he patted his daughter on the back, trying to calm her down. Andromeda was peeking around the doorway, looking at her father, and silently asking for permission to come in. Cygnus nodded stiffly, and Andromeda sat down next to him._

_"One day, Bella, Andy, we're going to get out of here. We're going to leave this all behind, okay? I love you girls, you know I do. Pray that we'll get through this girls, pray as hard as you can." Cygnus tried not to cry. He didn't want anybody to panic, not after what they had just been through._  
_That night was the night Druella Black was sentenced to ten years in Azkaban. Narcissa looked distraught, but Andromeda, Bellatrix and Cygnus were secretly relieved. From then on, Narcissa refused to trust anybody. She would get her revenge, and her family would never see it coming._

The knife falls out of my grip and lands on the floor, making metallic sounds as it bounces before coming to a stop. I'm frozen, unable to move. All because of a memory.  
What my father had promised me, what he had promised us had never come true. Because of Narcissa. It was all her fault, she helped our mother escape from Azkaban, so she could wreak havoc on our family. She was the one who helped our mother poison our father, and no matter what I tried to do, Narcissa would snitch. And I was the one who received the beatings, never Andromeda. 

Because my mother hated me more than Andromeda. Because I was defiant. My mother's abuse led to my father's death. It was horrible, so horrible, watching him die. He was thrashing around helplessly like I had, and I couldn't help him. That had only been last year, when I was in my sixth year, six years after my mother had abused me. Narcissa was the youngest, and so easily brainwashed. It wasn't entirely her fault, but I still hated her with all my might. 

There's someone running up the stairs now, and I feel like collapsing. Those terrible memories are all flooding back, and it feels so painful. I climb over the railing and prepare to jump. 

"Bella, no! NO!"

It's Lucius. What a surprise. "Why didn't you come earlier?" I snarled, my face expressionless. He looks at me helplessly, almost as if he doesn't know how to say it. "Bella, please, I tried to-"

"Save your breath, Lucius."

"Bella, don't do this, you've got so much ahead of you-"

"I said, save your breath."

"Please, Bella. Don't do this to me!"

"I'll do whatever I want! You never cared, anyway!"

I give Lucius a sad, mad grin before letting go of the iron railing, and fall to my death.


	2. Mindbroken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellatrix realizes that she's not dead, and reflects on what made her mindbroken. It's not her fault, it never was and never will be her fault.

I open my eyes to see that it's blindingly bright. The afterlife seems to have swallowed me after I jumped. I can hear voices though, and they sound so familiar. Maybe I can see my father again, and apologize. There's so much happiness inside me, until I recognize the voices.

There are people crowding around me, like I'm a creature to be goggled at. Even Lucius is there, and I want to fight him, but I don't have the energy to stand up. All of the bones in my body ache. 

"How did she survive the fall?" McGonagall's voice rings through the clearing, and I wince. "I've never known anybody who's fallen down that far and lived to tell the tale!"

The others mutter, and I can see Lucius looks guilty. I was wondering that myself, too. How did I survive the fall?

Touché. He thinks its all his fault. It should be.

And then I realize that I'm not in the afterlife, but still very much alive. _Shit._

Dumbledore notices that I'm awake, and he stares at me. "Ah, Miss Black. Can you hear me?"  
I try not to snort, and I can't anyway. Of course, you fucking idiot, I snap in my head. I groan, and try to push myself up, but my arms hurt so much that I gave up. It feels like someone has picked me up, and I'm pretty sure it's one of the teachers. The effort of trying to stay conscious long enough to see where I am breaks me, and I black out.

The next time I wake up, I'm lying in a hospital bed. Panic rises in my chest and I realize this will make it easier for my mother to find me and hunt me down. "NO!" I scream, sitting up in bed and shoving the figure who's leaning over me away. He stumbles back and bumps into a Healer, his hair flying everywhere. "Geez, calm down!" the man mutters, running his hand through his blonde hair and flattening it down. My eyes open in realization and horror. "Lucius? What the hell are you doing here?" I snap, feeling hurt and furious. Lucius says nothing but looks over to my bedside table silently. I follow his gaze to see a bouquet of black roses in a vase, with a small tag reading 'Lucius Malfoy'. Snorting, I look back at him, knowing that his parents probably forced him to do it.

"Why'd you want to kill yourself? Bella, you know I love you!" he protests, keeping his distance. As if he loves me, when he did nothing to prevent me from jumping. I gave him enough chances to play the hero, but he took none of the opportunities that I had lay down for him. "Lucius, why don't you just leave me alone? You didn't love me, you let me jump to my death and you did nothing to stop me! Stood there like an ungrateful little bastard, didn't you?" My words come out strangled as I struggle to keep calm.

There's the sound of footsteps, and more people come, crowding around my bed. There's Andromeda and Narcissa, as well as Dumbledore and some other teachers. Great, just what I wanted - more attention. As if Lucius bothering me wasn't enough pressure, now everybody would just annoy the absolute shit out of me. "Are you feeling better, Miss Black?" Dumbledore asks, looking genuinely concerned. Out of all the people who could feel concerned for me, it's the Headmaster. My stomach sinks in disappointment, until I see Andromeda's face. It's soaked with tears, and her brown eyes are all red and puffy from crying. Narcissa, however, looks smug and superior. As always. She's only here because she has to pretend to be sad that I'm suicidal.

Narcissa wants me to snap, as she leans on Lucius's shoulders with that sweet, sickening look on her smug little face. Lucius is expressionless, as if he wants to taunt me. Well, I don't care anyway. He can have the little bitch. I'd rather die. I should've died. I haven't looked closely at myself, and when I do, I see the bandages everywhere. They're stained with blood, a sign that the life is slowly leaking out of me. Am I dying? I hope I am. 

Suicidal thoughts aren't new to me. They've always been there, in the dark corners of my twisted mind. I remember the first time I wanted to die. It was after my mother had refused to give me food for a week, and she forced me to stay in an empty room with nothing more than a tea towel and a small glass of water. What had changed her? She had been so caring before, when I was so young. But now she's insane, insane like me.

_Bellatrix was playing with Andromeda in their playroom that afternoon. She was young, only about eight or nine years old. They were playing princes and princesses with their dolls on the floor._

_"And then princess and horsey hit the witch with a spell and the bad witch dies and the prince and princess live happily ever after!" Bellatrix giggled, chasing Andromeda's witch doll around with her toy horse. Andromeda squealed, and then threw the doll. It flew into the air, and hit the intricately decorated vase, knocking it over and making it land on the floor with a sickening shattering noise. Bellatrix's stomach dropped and she looked at Andromeda, panicking._  
_Druella had heard the sound of braking china from her bedroom. She set down the book she was reading and picked up her wand._  
_The two girls knew they were doomed the instant Druellas's footsteps thundered down the hall to the playroom. Andromeda was tearful, begging Bellatrix not to tell. Bellatrix looked solemn, but she was trembling as well._

_"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT BREAKING MY THINGS?" Druella shrieked, pointing an accusing finger at her daughters. Andromeda whimpered, and Bellatrix's lower lip trembled. "Mother, it was an accident-"_

_"Accident, like you!" She was showing no signs of stopping her furious tirade. Druella then turned to the vase and muttered a repairing spell. The girls could hear her muttering things like "Filthy whore," and "Abomination," under her breath. They made an attempt to escape, but Druella's beady eyes caught them. "Don't think this is over, girls. Who did this? Who broke this? Tell me NOW!"_

_Bellatrix took a shuddering deep breath, bowing her head. "It was my fault, mother."_

_Andromeda looked horrified, and was about to talk before Bellatrix gave her a pleading look, begging her to stay silent._

_"Well then, Bella. I think you deserve a punishment, don't you?" Druella's voice was a deathly whisper._

_"Y-yes, mother." Bellatrix was absolutely trembling, and a tear slipped down her cheek. Her mother noticed this, and smacked her in the face with all her force. "You're weak, Bella! Proper girls don't cry!"_

_"Mother, don't hurt her! Don't hurt Bella!" Andromeda yelled, grabbing her mother's dress. Druella looked at her with a slightly softened expression, but it was still full of fury. "You play no part in this, Andy. Keep out, unless you want me to punish you too!" Andromeda sat down, sobbing loudly. Her mother had a cane in her hand, and was beating Bellatrix. Her cries mingled with Druella's manical laughs and Andromeda's pleas._  
_Wrenching the back of Bellatrix's dress, Druella dragged her elder daughter into a small room and shoved her in. "Don't you dare tell your father, or else I'll beat you even more. You understand me? Because you've been so insolent, you're going to stay in this room for a week without food!" Bellatrix tried to plead, but her mother kept beating her with the cane until she shut up._

_After Druella had left, Bellatrix curled up into a ball on the floor, sobbing and talking to herself. A week in this barren room without anyone to talk to but herself. She hated how her father was always away at work. Why couldn't he stay home and look after them? Their mother was absolutely horrible to everyone apart from Narcissa. Perfect little Narcissa, pretty little Narcissa. And she was Bellatrix the whore, Bellatrix the weak. One day she would show her mother, show her that she wasn't a weakling._

_The first day was the worst, and the only time Andromeda tried to see her sister. Bellatrix could hear the arguments outside her door, but never a mention of punishment. Andromeda was sobbing again, but her mother refused to let her in. The sound of Andromeda's voice was enough to encourage her to keep going._  
_It was the third day when Bellatrix wanted to die. She was fed up, and her glass of water was almost empty. Another four days, she probably wouldn't survive. That night, she stared at the roof, hoping that someone would take her away from this hellhole. She wished an angel would save her, an angel with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes, with a kind smile. Someone who would tell her she was alright._

_But he never came._

Now that I think back, I realized who the angel would've looked like. Lucius Malfoy. The only one I ever loved. But Lucius isn't an angel. He's a traitor, a liar, and the worst of all, emotionless. I hate him so much it hurts. He doesn't need to know that I loved him, ever. He doesn't deserve to know it, when he hurt me so much.  
Andromeda's still next to me holding my hand and crying her eyes out. "Don't cry, Andy," I beg. She shakes her head, wiping away the tears. "Bella, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, Bella. I'm sorry!" I pull her close, hugging her as much as my aching muscles will allow, letting tears escape from my eyes. "After all these years, she still thinks it's her fault I was beaten. "Forget what happened, Andy. I forgive you, I forgave you long ago. Don't you believe me?" I whisper into her thick, wavey hazel hair. She's shaking as she sobs, her guilt all pouring out.

After she lets go of me, I see that Lucius is still there, a pained look on his face. "Why is he still here?" I snarl at the Healer, who looks stunned. She gives me an odd look. "Do you want him to leave?"

"LEAVE! GET OUT OF HERE, I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, YOU TWO FACED BASTARD!" I shriek, sounding like a banshee. Lucius grits his teeth, before glaring at me and leaving. Narcissa trails him like a loyal dog. More like a devoted little house elf.

This is the last time I see Lucius, before I join the Death Eaters. And he's changed. He has a son, Draco. And Narcissa rubs the fact in my face, the fact that I don't want children. 

I find out that Andromeda marries a Muggleborn, and is disowned. She's lucky. Mother won't come after her.

I no longer care when they hold me for trial and I'm sent to Azkaban. 

Because nobody loves me. 

They never did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Comment your opinions, and/or request whatever you want! I will write anything!


	3. Escape

"C'mon, Bella-"

I huddle up into a ball in the corner of the cell, scowling. Rodolphus has been relentlessly asking - sometimes even begging - me for sex... but I don't plan to get pregnant. Pregnant with the filth that he'd claim as his child. Over in the other corner, Rabastan sniggers, right before I throw a slipper at him, and he shuts up.

Azkaban is a bitch.

The dementors are the worst; worse than the gruel and even the fact that I'm chained to the wall. They slowly drive everyone insane - we all go crazy, in the end. Nobody can escape their hunger.

Rodolphus's hands are on my waist, cold and rough. "Get your filthy hands off me!" I snap, before slapping his cheek, and he falls back, hitting his back against the wall. It doesn't hurt him, of course. Ever since Narcissa insulted me about my lack of children, he's been trying to prove her wrong.

Of course, that comes with a price. Naturally, everything comes with a price. I'm not a maternal type person - I never have been, and never will.

Well, let's be honest here. I was young, and naive once. I had my secrets when I was at school; secrets that _he_ found out about.

And he granted my wishes. They were dark, dirty wishes.

That had been my first and last pregnancy scare.

Now, thinking back on that, it had been a stupid move. Pregnant with a Malfoy's child, then being kicked out; well, judging by my mother, killed, and left on the streets without anyone to go to. I wouldn't have dared to drag myself to Malfoy Manor and have to explain to Abraxas and Eleanor...

There's a grating noise - food. The dementor slides three small bowls under the door, and then closes the flap. Wrinkling my nose, I stare at the food. It's the same old gruel. Nothing different. It's filthy; which, to be honest, isn't much of a surprise.

Rodolphus wrinkles his nose, and shoves his bowl away. "It tastes like shit. Again."

I would usually retort with something sarcastic, but not today. I feel sick. Rabastan is surprised at this, his eyebrow raised so high it disappears into his messy hair. "Well well well, looks like somebody isn't being a sarcastic bitch today, mm?"

"You shut your mouth, _asshole_." I mutter, huddling my knees to my chest. There's a draught in here, and I'm shivering with the cold.

"Ooh, someone's feisty!" Rabastan's voice sounds flirty. Rubbish. I'm his brother's wife - not some little fucktoy. But he's always been relentless, hinting for... rather incestuous acts. 

And my useless husband, Rodolphus, doesn't even bother to stop it. 

Not that I care, of course. He's never serious.

I lean my head back against the cool wall, as waves of cramps ripple through my body.

And then, there's an explosion, and the prison wall to the north explodes.

My dark, dazed eyes shoot open, and I stare.

Finally, we're free.


	4. The Battle at the Ministry

I hide in the shadows, gripping my wand so tightly that my knuckles are white. The mask is slightly uncomfortable, but at least nobody will recognise me.

The same can't be said for the man next to me, his long blonde hair flowing down his shoulders.  
Lucius.

He looks much older than when I last saw him. Of course. The so-called 'pressures' of being a father, and keeping under the radar at the Ministry.   
I toss my head, my tangled mane of hair flying into his shoulder. He scowls, turning to me. "Bella, if you don't shut up, the plan's going to fail." Funny. He looks sexy when   
he's pissed off. I decide to take it even further; to humiliate him in front of my husband. 

He feels my hand on his chest, and his body becomes taut. I smile. Now, I'll take it further.

"Mmm..." Taking off my mask, I brush my lips against his jawline, and he pulls his head back, obviously uncomfortable. Rodolphus is burning with jealously; and even hatred for me. Lucius looks like he's trying not to slap me, but at the same time, return the favour.

Then, without warning, I remove his silver mask, and press my lips against his. I can practically feel Rodolphus explode with anger.

Lucius groans into my lips, but my hold on him is too tight for him to escape. 

Finally, I break off, and he wipes his mouth, half glaring at me. I turn to see Rodolphus, whose face is white. With disgust, I bet. But for me, it felt good. So good. I mean, it's a love - hate relationship between the both of us, but taking advantage of him always feels so good.

Exploiting him for personal gain, he'd likely remark, if he wasn't so pissed off and dazed. 

It's good, him being all confused. I like it when he's dazed.

I peck him on his jawline once more before sliding the mask back on his face, and doing the same for myself.

Clearing my thoughts, I try to focus on the mission at hand.

Kill Harry Potter, and my blood traitor cousin, Sirius. Oh, and retrieve the prophecy too.

But it's kind of hard to, especially when you've just kissed your brother - in - law.

~ Time skip ~

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Sirius falls back into the Veil, his lifeless body hanging there gracefully. Finally. I've done it. Killed my no - good cousin. Would my mother- never mind. I don't care about her anymore. She's no mother of mine; as I am no daughter of hers. 

Harry screams his godfather's name as I laugh. It's too late for anyone to do anything.  
Without warning, a sharp pain ripples through my abdomen and I fall to my knees, crying out in pain. I have to get out, before someone sends me back to Azkaban. 

I stagger to my feet and sprint out of the Veil room before Harry shoots the Cruciatus curse at me, and I collapse on the cold floor, half conscious. My breaths come out in ragged gasps as the boy looms over me, fury in his green eyes.

Green eyes like my mother's.

I gasp, my throat seizing up. Every mention of her sends me into a panic attack - a thoroughly unpleasant feeling. I can't breathe - I just can't-

Then, I remember. Lucius. He's going to be captured. But it's too late for me to do anything, anyway.

Harry's wand is still hovering over my face, but I don't care. He's probably too cowardly to do anything, like Sirius.

I close my eyes, just as a tear slips down my cheek and into my messy hair. 

Everything is over.

I don't know if we've won or not, but I don't care.


End file.
